You might be wondering why I would possibly not want to be in the Army anymore.
I met a guy a couple of days ago that is doing what I want to in reverse. I thought I wanted to be an Army Officer often because most of the really respectable people I ever met. He told me the same thing, that he wanted to be in the Army because of all the respectable people he's known that have been Army Officers. Why do I want to get out? Because all of those are pipe dreams. And, consequently, all the dreams about the Army have gone down the toilet. Maybe I'm just a shitty officer. But that's not really the case. I know I'm not stellar, but I know I'm not the worst either. I recently realized how shitty my counterparts in other units are. I guess it makes me feel better since I'm the most junior of the group except for a random 1LT that isn't in an actual position according to the unit on paper. Eh, whatever.
One thing that is most annoying is that we're never recognized for our accomplishments as Officers. You go to school for four years of college, and that means pretty much nothing even though less than 20% of Americans go to college. And then you have certain higher NCOs that think that all other NCOs work for them and not the officers that are supposed to be managing and supervising. For example, the 1SG/CDR relationship is F'd up. Since when does a 1SG have more important ties to the CSM than to the CDR? Crap, complete crap. Completely undermines the idea of command in itself. What do I have to look forward to when a CSM manages all the Soldiers in the battalion despite command prerogative? What about command emphasis? Aren't NCOs supposed to enforce stuff like that?
And when's the last time in the history of F'd up units did the 1SG inspect a CPT's room? Completely ridiculous. You have a GS13 and a CPT in a room and a CSM thinks he has the right to inspect it? And then, not only that, but saying that the standard is "the Army standard." And then when I say that I didn't know the standard, he calls me a liar? Awesome. And then when I finally get my "re-inspection," he doesn't even bother to lock my door. One of the SFC's said that the 1SG didn't even knock when he came into his room. Too bad he wasn't wacking off or some other sick stuff. And people wonder why we want to get out of the Army. It's not the deployments. It's not the time away from having family and friends. It's the not treating us like we're more than in high school. The drama that exists in all the units I've been in since I've been in has all been the same; the gossip, the rumors, the mismanagement of Soldiers' lives. All four years of it. I had more freedom in college. Here, they made a rule that you can't have males in your room. In college we were allowed to have males in our rooms. And if it's because they're worried about us getting pregnant, even with the easy access to multiple forms of BC methods, then why let married people LIVE together?
I really hate not having a personal life. When you are in the Army, you have no personal life. You may have a social life, but nothing about your life is personal. If you have medical issues, if you have mental health issues or anything else, broken leg, hemoptysis (coughing up blood, the only reason I know what that is is because a Solider in our unit had it), it will be displayed to the officers and senior NCOs of the unit during a biweekly meeting.
I, of course, was particularly affected by this little detail about military life as I accidentally started a relationship with a married man, unbeknownst to me. Once my unit found out about it, there was no support, no help, nothing. I was completely outcast which then drove me to look for solace somewhere.... turned out to be back with the guy I shouldn't have been with. If only had had the support of some of the people in my unit, I'm sure I would have never gone back to that loser. Instead, I was not counseled or consoled, I was told to drop everything and never talk to him until I was told I was allowed. What kind of idiot thinks that makes sense? As I look back on the disaster that was my life two years ago, I don't know how people could be so understanding, so cold. Maybe it was because they were married and knew better than me what havoc infidelity could cause in their lives if it happened to them. I never wanted to do anything wrong. I never wanted to be with a married man. When he finally admitted to me that he was in fact married AND had a child, I pretty much spontaneously barfed.
I want to move on to the next thing. I think maybe the reserve component of the Army might work out well for me, but I certainly haven't been impressed with the active Army. It's an exercise of mediocrity. You can stay in and suck for as long as you want. Nobody will kick you out if you suck. They'll just pass you from unit to unit to get rid of you.
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