On a personal note...

I guess I'm conflicted. Or maybe not so much.  Moving on feels great.

I'm glad I love my boyfriend most-est.

I just got a reminder why I am with the guy I am.  Granted, he has had his own interesting issues... namely about a year after we got together he mixed up a gift I got him from a girl that used to be in his life.  Why would he do that? Blah, bad memory.  He has a terrible memory. I can forgive him for small things.

Anyway, the reason I write today is to remind myself that I am very thankful.  Thankful that some things didn't work out.

When you're in a situation, in this case I speak of a relationship, your confidence is often killed by somebody else's actions.  Now, a confident individual wouldn't be concerned by this.  But it does take an awfully confident individual to blow off matters of the heart.  When your heart is involved, it always seems like it's a bigger deal.  "I saw myself ending up with him" or "He's always who I imagined myself with" or even "We're soul mates." But then, think.  Think harder.  Would you really be unhappy?  Or would your soul mate and you not be able to communicate effectively so at least you know he cares about you?

I look back on the woman I was four or five years ago and I wonder... I was a very self-centered person. I hung out with my boyfriend in lieu of good friends.  I was so enthralled by some of my exes that I didn't feel confident enough to be away from them when I had the choice to be or not to be.

The time is now.  Tomorrow we could be gone.  I would not pursue a relationship that I'm not happy with in the present anymore, because that's what I want.  I need to live in the now and I'm well on the path to doing this on a normal basis.

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I have an idea for a book... It would be called, "Letters to our Exes."  I would want to donate profit to either domestic violence charity or one that benefits women's mental health.  I might send out an email soon to see what my friends think.  I'd want to get a number of letters, maybe around 200 or so and then compile them into a book.  Each woman would write a letter to a particularly thorny ex, hopefully comical, but maybe sad about how their current lives were ruined and then how they got past it.  I know who I'd write about.

Do you?

People always get spun up on things that are far from the heart of the matter....

This CNN article is annoying. CNN reporting crap as it often does.


Most people on here want to pretend there are broader things at work here. The United States has all sorts of exports, including arms and riot gear and its accessories. If you're mad about that, talk to your Congressperson. 


As for these guys getting killed, if they hadn't been shot at close range with the canisters, I doubt that they'd get killed. Sure tear gas sucks, it's supposed to suck. It's supposed to deter. But I don't see you all getting your panties in a wad about Ford when some idiot in a Fiesta hits a pedestrian in a third world country. Cars, not intended to kill people, similarly, tear gas, not intended to kill people.

Why so critical grasshopper...? You don't have a leg to stand on.

Lately, I don't know why, but I've been very critical of others. Other people who are actually doing something, while me, who can't seem to find a job in Lawton, Okahoma, is sitting on my ass "playing house." I only say I'm playing house, because in the sprawling metropolis that is this great city, I've been challenged to even find a volunteer opportunity. Which reminds me, I need to make a phone call to see if I can at least volunteer at the hospital. I guess that majority of volunteers are little old retired bitties, but I can totally swing that.

Anyway, I digress.

I don't know what reasons have me to be so critical. I have a feeling it has something to do with being idle and at home and not sure what to do. A couple of friends of mine and the boyfriends are starting a business dealing with bars. Now, I'm mainly critical on

two points, they don't have the education (though have had the means to get it) nor have they even ever worked in a bar or restaurant to know the day to day operations. I never particularly had the desire to work at a bar, mainly because of my time working at Applebee's during college. The tables around the bar sucked to wait. I was a glorified cocktail waitress without the cute clothes (and therefore ability to sell my body, as well as an occasional drink). I can't believe my old Applebee's went to the Dickies... Sorry, Dickies, but your pants are the most incredibly UGLY pants in the history or pants... except for maybe these kind which I think are actually supposed to be in style now... *shudder* (mainly I don't like them because they seem to highlight everything that's gross about me, though we always want what we don't have I guess....)

Anyway, back on topic. Another aquatince of mine from high school recently launched a website to connect high school athletes and college coaches. I find this kind of ironic since he really got burned by the school he went to, had his dreams of being a college quarterback pulled out from under him like an old rug. He ended up staying on at this large division I school, and was second string and then maybe even third string as time went on. He didn't ever transfer since the NCAA (the devil to many) makes you sit out a year before starting at a new school. Kind of sad. College is supposed to be five years... oh wait, was that four? I think he may have played a hand full of games at best. Though, maybe he was humbled a bit, seemed like the first time he was actually passed up for anything. I remember meeting him when I first got to school there at my old high school. I'm not sure he ever even went to class. He got his school paid for and got into one of the best schools in Texas, so who would complain? I can't say that you can really hate anybody who surfs through life on that never ending wave. You might just be jealous that he got up and you didn't... or got there first. Oh well.

I am just in a holding pattern for the moment, and I recognize that. I know come next September I will be in full swing in law school, wishing really bad I was sitting on my ass at home looking for volunteer opportunities. And here I am, jumping into the sea of unknowns myself. Supposedly it's a terrible time to go to grad school, but if I waited, it would just be putting off the inevitable, since this is something I've wanted to do for a long time. Which I guess brings me to it. The point I mean. I'm not much different from the folks above. I'm going from debt-free to full of debt to pursue a dream that might not make me any richer than the one I left to pursue it. But is it all about money? No. It's not. It's about job satisfaction, and in that department, a change was required for my future sanity. My old unit is deploying... again. As in now when they've hardly been back a year. Is that really how I wanted to live my life? And nobody actually cared about you, it was always lip service about being professional and ethical and fair and "care about Soldiers" and all that jazz.

So, to all you people out there that are going for it, good luck. I will be here to help if you want or need it. I will be less critical, either outright or in my mind since you're out there doing it and I'm, well, for the time being, spinning my wheels. Maybe I should work on that Etsy website I started. A plug for Etsy. Really cute, must check out. All handmade and vintage items. I wanted to make soaps, and then the soap dishes for the soap out of stained glass. I always wanted to learn how to make vintage soap! My shop would be called Bee Bee's Bubbles, from my nickname by my friend Jock Quez (totally a nickname also). Funny enough, I set up some of the stuff a head of time, just wanted to get my hands on a copy of photoshop to make some images. Need to work on that. Need to stop slacking. LOL

Depressing state of the States

I recently tried to respond to an email about this debunked "terrorist dry run."

http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/flight297.asp

My response:

Also, although it wasn't mentioned on this snopes article, and as soon as I read this, I realized why they were celebrating. In November, there is a rather big Muslim holiday where EVERYTHING shut down. It coincided somewhat with Thanksgiving for us while I was deployed to Afghanistan in 2009, when we all sort of did minimal operations and had some turkey... the Afghans (including the bad guys) were at home with their families for Eid (the war pretty much stopped for two weeks):

Eid-Al-Adha (Feast of the Sacrifice)

November 16, 2010

This Muslim holiday, celebrated during the time of the annual hajj or pilgrimage to Mecca, marks the willingness of Abraham to sacrifice his son Ishmael, as commanded by God. The day is consecrated with an animal sacrifice (they butcher an animal like a goat to eat), of which one-third is shared with the poor while the other two-thirds is enjoyed with family and friends.

This holiday was the day before this flight (Flight Nov 17th, holiday Nov 16th). I think you all can connect the dots to where I'm going with this.... There may be another reason why these guys were traveling together and may have been happy to have just spent the holiday with family and friends, like us with Christmas.... I guess this is why the military sends us to cultural understanding classes...? It's often easier to just jump to conclusions because we're ignorant of the big picture.

God Bless America.

Jimmy's Response:

I do not know you, but as far as I am concerned, they can take the cultural UNDERSTANDING for them and shove it up their asses. They can celebrate their "So-called holiday back in their own home towns. What they did on the plane was bull$hit, and they should have been thrown in jail for terroristic threat for interferance with transportation.

Can I please move out of this country? Why the hell are people so excited to come to a country that houses the likes of these idiots? I know there are a ton of them out there too! UGH. And they call themselves Christians with all this hate!

My response to him:

Haha, ok, well that's one way to deal with it I suppose. Good luck with that.