I've got a case of the Mondays.

I need another vacation. Things have been a bit hectic. I have a pretty large headache.

So, I got a nice phone call and email from a guy I thought would be finally out of my life. It was a great feeling to have finally forgotten about somebody like that. I really have no love for somebody like that. Here's a sample of an email:

I want my AC, two books of cds, and anything else I own put back in my office this week. Funny, by allowing you to use that stuff, I'm still taking better care of you than you ever did me. You'll always be the girl who abandoned the man she supposedly loved while deployed. whore

Mind you, this is the same guy I sent like five care packages, even though we weren't together. But I never did anything. In retrospect, ever talking to him was a BAD idea on my part. Have you ever had your instincts tell you something that you decided to completely ignore and then it come back to bite you in the ass? Well, it came back and comped off most of my ass in this case. I've been kicking myself in the ass for not listing to my gut. My gut told me, "You don't want him. He's not your type. He's... annoying." I should have known better when the first lie surfaced. It's crazy how not once did he fess up. I had to pry every one, lie that is, out of him. I am glad to have moved on with my life... I feel like a whole new person without such a drag of a person around.

And then I get this email later in the day:

I'm sorry for calling you that. it's just hard. Everything reminds me of you. I'm glad you're happy

I'm happy to say that I really don't think about him at all.

Somebody like this makes me not want to ever be with anybody at all. I went to Lauren's wedding this weekend and was asked if I ever wanted to get married at some point. As happy as my dear friend seems, things in my life are not like that. As much as I once wanted to get married at one point in my life, I haven't figured out what the point is for me. I haven't been with somebody who really has made me believe that marriage is a worthwhile endeveur. There have been a couple of men who have once or twice sparked my interest and were what most women would call marriage material... But lets be honest. What the hell do I have to offer a guy? "Hey, nice to meet you, we may fall in love, but in 3 months I'm going to the other side of the world, in one of the most remote, obsecure countries in this grand world of ours... and I might be able to call or email most of the time, but I won't be able to see you for another at least 6-8 months (preferably 8 just bc it works easier to have like 4 months left when you get back...) And then when I get back, I'll likely be going somewhere else; I'm trying to get into law school somewhere in the south where I can be close to my fam for at least a little while and then who knows." Ugh. My life is depressing. I want to take that step out into the unknown, but with my heart the way it is, I don't know if I can handle getting it crushed/liquified again.

I don't feel like I'll be able to keep a guys interest as it is. This is Brandi being depressed. I'm sorry I had to let you into a not so pretty part of me :(